The Little Confidant
by a.touch.eclectic
Summary: Killian must deal with his feelings after being cursed by Zelena. And he finds himself with a little friend to share those feelings with. One shot


**I was so heartbroken over the latest episode, I have to write something to give Killian a little hope. I hope you enjoy my random ramblings and the craziness of my muse.**

**Disclaimer: OUAT and related characters don't belong to me. I've also borrowed a line from **_**Downton Abbey**_**, which is absolutely perfect, but not mine. (Kudos if you find it though)**

_The Little Confidant_

Killian sat with his head in his hands, thinking through all the things he should have done. He should have listened to Ariel and given up the _Jolly Roger_. It's not as though he had his ship now anyway. Then Zelena couldn't have had a chance to trick him in the first place. Or he could have not agreed to swear on Emma's name, or invoke another name. Not that he had had any idea what the name was for, but it would have saved him from the awful misery he now felt.

At this point, there was no way to win. If he kissed Emma, all her powers would be gone, and there would be no way to defeat Zelena and stop her from carrying out her wicked plans. If he didn't, one by one, her family and friends would be harmed; turned into monkeys or worse. Despite what he had been told previously, had even espoused himself at one point, there was no hope.

He sat on the bench at the wharf, desperately wishing the sea and waves could offer up some advice, or at least some calm. But unfortunately, his head was empty of ideas, and his heart was full of regret. He walked up to the edge of the docks and stared into the dark depths. He was about to give up, throw himself into the ocean and accept the cold depths that had already claimed Liam, Milah and other good men he had known.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a young boy staring at him. "What are you doing?" the boy asked.

Killian nearly ruined his entire innocence by saying he was going to kill himself so the woman he loved and those she loved were no longer in danger. But the boy's curly mop of brown hair reminded him of Baelfire, and he stopped. He stepped back from the edge and turned to the boy. "What is your name?" he asked.

"Roland. What were you doing?"

Killian couldn't stop the smile that emerged when the boy grinned, displaying dimples so deep he could bury treasure in them. Recognizing the boy's refusal to drop the subject, he gave a loose approximation. "I was thinking of going for a swim."

Roland cocked his head to the side in confusion. "But you're still wearing your clothes. And it's really, really cold."

"Good think I didn't jump then," Killian replied. Roland smiled again, and Killian wondered why such an adorable child was all alone. "Where are you parents?"

Roland looked around, then leaned close to Killian. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked.

Killian leaned in even closer. "I've been known to keep a secret or two in the past."

Roland lowered his voice and whispered directly into his ear. "I ran away from Papa. He has been trying to find a way to save Little John, but I want to play."

The mention of Little John ignited the spark of recognition in Killian. "Your papa is Robin Hood, isn't he?"

Roland nodded. "Papa says that the Wicked Witch is around, and that I should be careful and stay with the rest of the Merry Men, but that's boring!"

Killian could feel a kindred spirit within this child. He had a desire to be a part of things, in the thick of it, rather than waiting for others to do the work. He had a fiery spirit that didn't always conform to what he should being doing. This boy could certainly make a good pirate one day.

As Killian studied the boy, he returned the scrutiny. "Who are you?" he asked.

Killian realized he had failed to introduce himself properly. "I'm…" he paused. Who was he really? He had tried to be Captain Hook during that year in the Enchanted Forest, but it hadn't really worked. He no longer was the cutthroat pirate he had once been. That part of him, spurned by the anger that had begun with Liam's death and festering when Milah was taken from him – it wasn't there anymore. Setting aside his revenge on the Crocodile, moving on to other, less murderous ideas had all but stripped him of what the moniker Hook represented. But he had not returned to the idealistic, innocent Lieutenant Jones either. The death of his brother had insured that he would never revert back to the naïve state of trusting anyone blindly.

After seconds that felt like hours, he finally settled on the name that he had recently discovered sounded beautifully melodic coming from his Swan's lips. "I'm Killian."

"Nice to meet you Killian." Roland held out his hand and Killian shook it heartily, impressed by how mature this boy was. Killian motioned for the boy to join him, and they walked back down the dock, leaving the sea and Killian's dark thoughts behind. When they returned to the bench Killian had so recently been pondering upon, they sat together, Roland's feet a half dozen inches off the ground and swinging merrily.

Killian got the impression that Roland was much wiser and mature than his age betrayed, but understanding that Robin would be worried sick about the boy, he supposed that staying put was their best option, waiting for the father to find them.

"Are you sad?" Roland asked. Killian turned to the boy, shocked by his perceptiveness.

"Why do you ask?" he asked, not betraying any secrets with the possibility of the witch's monkeys overhearing.

"Because you look like Papa did when Mama died. He was _really_ sad."

Killian understood now why the boy was so mature; he had seen things at his young age that no one should have to experience. "Aye, I am a little sad," he understated his emotions.

Roland surprised Killian, sliding onto his lap and looking him straight in the eye. "When you're sad, you should tell someone. When I'm sad, I tell Papa or one of the Merry Men, and they make it _all_ better."

He smiled at the boy, but there was no light in it. "Unfortunately, if I tell someone about what's making me sad, it will be even sadder for someone else. My problem is a little more complicated than a scrapped knee or a missing toy."

Roland was undeterred by Killian's pessimism. "You can tell me. I'm good at keeping secrets!"

Killian wished he could believe the boy, but he knew the danger in confiding in children. Even if Roland never did divulge the secrets locked in his heart, a monkey could be within earshot and quickly inform Zelena that she could start tormenting someone in town. Emma herself may remain unharmed, but she would be devastated if someone else was hurt. Unfortunately, he never was very good at keeping things bottled up, and he was about to burst with the pain within him.

"You have to sw- promise you won't tell," Killain said, careful to avoid putting the boy into the same position he was in.

Roland nodded and promised. Killian decided if he kept the situation vague, the boy would never know exactly what was going on, and Emma and her family would still be safe. "I'm sad because, I love someone. I would do anything for her, and I've done a fair bit already. She's absolutely perfect, and I could never be truly happy with anyone else as long as she walked the earth."

Roland escaped into the romanticism of the story, and listened intently as Killian gave an extreme abridgement of his tale. "We went on adventures together, saved each other a few times – even had some betrayal."

Killian paused to think of what to say next, but Roland jumped in with a question. "Did you kiss her?"

The heartache began anew, and tears burned in Killian's eyes. He refused to let them fall, plowing ahead with the painful truth. "I have, twice." Though the time in New York could be argued as unsuccessful, Killian now clung to the memory with renewed fervor. Though only for a fraction of a second, it was the latest, and last time their lips would ever meet.

"So, she loves you two. When are you going to get married?" If Killian had thought the previous question was hard to hear, this one made him wish that somewhere along the way he had actually had his heart removed.

"That's the problem." Killian said. He sighed, preparing to finally voice what had been disturbing him to his young secret keeper. "We can't be together. If I'm with her, other people will get hurt, and I can't let that happen."

"Because of the Wicked Witch?" Roland asked. Killian didn't dare reply, but that didn't stop the child from plowing ahead. "I wish the Wicked Witch was gone! Then you could be with the person you love, and Papa would play with me again!"

Killian's deepest wish was for the same thing.

"Roland!" Robin's voice screamed.

"Papa!" Roland replied. He scooted himself off Killian's lap and ran into his father's arms. There was some light scolding of the boy for running off, but even Killian could tell that the father was more relieved than angry.

"You were looking after him?" Robin asked Killian. He nodded, and began to walk away. He did not want to stick around to receive praise, because he certainly didn't deserve any.

"Captain?" Robin called back. Killian turned, but refused to walk back. "My Merry Men and I are determined to do what we can to defeat the Wicked Witch. Do you think you would be up for joining us in our quest?"

Killian saw the faintest glimmer of hope in the thief's words; a way for him to work towards the defeat of the witch without working with Emma and putting her in danger. "I would be honored," he finally replied, putting out his hand and shaking on their deal.

"Right then. Off to kill a Wicked Witch."


End file.
